The Fall Felt Forevermore
In 2017, year prior to my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis, I fell… terribly. I ended up breaking my foot, tearing my meniscus, fracturing my hand and aggravating my back. I’ll never forget the amount of pain I went through on that day; mainly because the pain follows me daily. The fall anniversary is nearing four years and I’m still suffering. So add MS into the mix and man do we have a party! *nervous laughter*
To re-visit that day, my mother and I decided to take a stroll to our local First Watch to enjoy my free birthday breakfast. Enjoying that free breakfast is a tradition we’ve upheld for years! I mean c’mon.. its free breakie!
Anyway, here is where shit goes south. Literally. As we were walking on the sidewalk, mind you it was a sunny November day in Florida, all of a sudden I was on the floor. Covered in muck. Screaming in pain. I remember rolling over and grabbing my left knee with one hand, and my right foot with the other. My mother, who also went down with me but, was in the grass. She immediately called 911. Fortunately, the fire department was next door to us. However, what happens next will always make my blood boil and stomach sick.
The paramedics arrived and instead of bringing forth compassion, they laughed at me. Perhaps they thought I wouldn’t notice since the crying hadn’t stopped due to the agony I was in, but I noticed nonetheless. Still on the ground, holding my body, crying, two men got on either side of me and attempted to help me up. I remember telling them, I couldn’t walk; to which they replied, “you can walk.” No dude, I just told you I couldn’t? They placed me in the ambulance, checked me out. Asked if I wanted to go to the emergency room, but plot twist- told me my mother would not be allowed to ride with me. My mother. Just moments after this traumatic event, there was no way I’d,
1.) Ride in an ambulance with people who had just laughed at my injuries.. I mean would you?
2.) Leave my mother alone on the sidewalk
3.) Go to the hospital alone
Regardless of how old I was at the time (23) or how old I’ll get; I will always need my mama by my side! So I declined their service and decided to go to the local urgent care instead. I figured it would be faster- get in, get out. By this time my father had arrived (we lived in close proximity) and off to the urgent care we went. Long story short, the doctor there told me that I’d feel worse before I felt better which was hard to imagine since I was in excruciating pain already. But he wasn’t wrong. It did get worse. And worse. And worse. I knew that something was wrong. But it didn’t matter who I spoke to, which doctor I visited, they would just tell me that I was “young” and it would get “better” in time. Unacceptable. I didn’t stop searching until a doctor finally ordered MRIs to see more than an x-ray. AHA, these results showed deeper injuries just like my gut was telling me...
I had broken a bone in my right foot- broken. Not fractured. And it had already began to heal incorrectly causing further damage. This resulted in me wearing a giant boot, and then needing precision shots in order to cushion the bones in order to avoid pain- for the rest of my life as needed.
Next, my left knee showed serious damage. Floating cartilage and excess inflammation. But it wasn’t until I underwent an arthroscopy in the knee, did we find that I had actually torn my meniscus. Even after said surgery, I’ve been informed that I’ll need future corrective surgery.
My left hand showed tears as well. I lost noticeable strength in that hand. Actually I’ve lost noticeable strength and flexibility in my whole body since that day.
STRAIGHT OUTTA SURGERY
Glamorous…I know…Peep the shoe covers. Definition of medical fashion honey!
Anyway, by this point you’re probably asking, “Ashleigh. What the heck caused you to fall that would result in such injuries?!” Great question. In the heat of the moment, all I can remember is I was walking one moment and on the floor the next. However, I was on the floor covered in slime. It was all over my face, my clothes, my shoes. And I was in a heck of a lot of pain. Come to find out, the slime (that I like to call it) was caused from a neglected sprinkler system. This runoff had been accumulating for Lord knows how long and I was the unfortunate soul who just so happened to come across it. All I do know is this- I fell. Why it happened I guess you could blame the sprinklers, but truly why it happened is not up for me to decide. I know that my injuries could’ve been much worse. But that doesn’t discredit my injuries that I do suffer on the daily. I’m a firm believer that God doesn’t give us anything we’re incapable of handling.
So I take these injuries for what they are. I try not to dwell on the ‘why me’ aspect (not to say that I don’t fall into that narrative occasionally) but there is no use in questioning the ‘why’ to what happened to me. Because it happened. I became injured on several different parts of my body that collectively have caused me disability at the age of 23. I’m now 27, and there are times that I cry thinking about the lifelong effects these injuries will have on me. How will this affect my parenting? Will I be able to keep up with our children? I wake up in pain in the middle of the night, and I live in ice bags. I have had to learn how to adjust to life with chronic pain that will follow me for the rest of my life. However, worry doesn’t help. Instead, I focus on what I can control. I focus on what I can do, what products I can use, to make my life easier. I’m not too sure what the silver-lining is here, but I’m going with the flow. Taking it one step at a time. One pain at a time.
So if you’ve suffered an accident, been diagnosed with chronic pain, and then been diagnosed with a chronic illness on top of it all- hang in there sis. There will be times where it will feel all too overwhelming. There will be times where you question ‘why me’ and that’s alright. Feel your feelings. Know that they’re valid. Don’t just unpack there. Let it hurt, then let it go. Not the pain (man I wish we could simply let go of the pain) but let go of the hold your injuries have on you. You’re adapting. You’re surviving. You’re doing your best, and your best is good enough. Sometimes it will suck, sometimes you’ll feel pushed beyond your limits, but none of that can take away from your core strength. Doing what we have to do, with whatever we have is a super power so embrace the suck and embrace the strength. Adjusting, just like healing, is an ongoing process.
So hang in there, I’m cheering for you just as hard as I’m cheering for myself!
We can and will do this!
All my love,
Arose