“Are You Better, Yet?”

This one is for the ones who ask, “Are you better, yet?”

I am diagnosed with a “chronic” “life-long” “incurable” *as of right now!* disease. This isn’t like a cold, flu, or seasonal allergies. To put it bluntly- there is no cure. This will not simply “go away”. Harsh. I know- so imagine living with this and then being asked if you’re “better yet”. It gets a bit much.

However, I know that not everyone who asks this question does so with malicious intent! Most of the time, it just comes from not understanding.

So, let’s all get to understanding together- shall we? 

Let’s go!

Interestingly enough, a LOT of people graze over the “chronic” part of an illness. Especially since most of the chronic illnesses aren’t referred to as “chronic multiple sclerosis” lol so it’s easy to forget that it is chronic especially for those who are not directly affected by the illness. Plus, it’s only human nature to wish for those who are sick to get better! You know we’re always saying, “Get well soon!” It’s only natural when you hear of a loved one getting diagnosed with a severe illness, such as Multiple Sclerosis, to want them to get better, right? I get it! Believe me, I get it.

Context #1- If you know your loved one, friend, co-worker, whoever just went through a pretty gnarly relapse or flare-up then there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with checking in and asking how they are doing.

The lesson here is that- words matter!

Instead of- “Are you better yet?”

Try this- “I know you were going through xyz, how are you feeling?”

And then listen! Listen to support as best as you can. Words matter and the “yet” really stings.

Choosing kinder softer, words full of empathy will make a world of a difference.

Context #2- On the other hand, there will be family, friends, coworkers, strangers who genuinely will just not give a damn about you, your condition, or how you’re feeling. They will act as if your illness is the biggest insult to them *insert massive eye-roll here*. Like how dare we bother them with our existence? These people are otherwise known as ‘assholes’ and we don’t fux with them. Seriously, these people are mad at the world for whatever reason and are hellbent on making everyone around them miserable. Do NOT let these low vibrations invade your peace. The truth is, sometimes family members will fall into this category and that gets real awkward… but it’s best to wish them well and move on even though I know that’s difficult. Protect your peace at all times. If that means setting up loving boundaries of limited communication- so be it. You have to do what is best for you and remember that not everyone is meant to take this journey with you- family included.

All in all:

Is it okay to ask a chronic illness fighter if they’re feeling better? YES!

Better, yet? NO.

Better? Sure.

Remember words matter! So does authenticity- if you don’t really care how someone is doing it is best not to ask! It’s okay, we won’t take it personally! I mean at least I won’t!

To the warriors reading this- if you’ve firsthand lived through the “yet” question- hang in there. Know that you do not have to tolerate it! Set loving boundaries, and if you’re feeling up for it, pass this information along! I thoroughly enjoy turning moments like these into moments of enlightenment!

Truth is that a lot of miscommunications stem from a lack of knowing and as a warrior I like to share as much information as possible. It starts with giving people the benefit of the doubt and explaining why something is insensitive and propose a solution to the problem. What they choose to do with the information shared, speaks volumes about them.

Take it easy Warriors!

All my love,

Ashleigh Rose